Subject: Safety Tips before Leaving for Summer Vacation (A Sonnet)

  1. Lock all doors, double-check if OCD
  2. Shut off gas to keep stove from exploding
  3. Close all windows and latch them properly
  4. Remove all food to keep from decomposing
  5. Switch off lights, fan, pump, and generator
  6. Remove electronics from every socket
  7. Shut down breakers—except the fridgerator’s
  8. Store your treasures in a safe and lock it
  9. Do not leave garbage inside your dwelling 
  10. Pay your bills to avoid disconnection
  11. Cover all drainage so bugs can’t crawl in
  12. Tell management when you’ll be on vacation
These tips are meant to secure your apartment.
Bon voyage from the HR Department
Image source

Original Email

Sub: Safety Tips before Leaving for Summer Vacation

  1. Make sure to lock all the doors and double-check it before leaving the house.
  2. Close all the windows properly and lock them.
  3. Remove all perishable items from the kitchen cabinet and refrigerator. You may either consume it or get rid of it before leaving the house since the food could be spoiled in the refrigerator if electricity is turned off.  
  4. Make sure that the gas tank and stove are closed properly.
  5. Switch off all lights, exhaust fan and water pump.
  6. Remove electronic items plugged to the sockets such as TV, dishwasher, washing machine etc.
  7. Ask for maintenance assistance to shut down all your breakers except for the fridge
  8. Make sure all your valuable items are stored safely.
  9. Do not leave any garbage inside the house.
  10. Put cover to all your drainage such as bathroom floor drainage, kitchen floor drainage and sinks to avoid insects entering in your house
  11. Make sure that you pay your utility bills (KAHRAMA) to avoid disconnection while you are on vacation.
  12. Inform compound management (Helpdesk) that you will be on vacation and leave your contact number, emails or authorize person for emergency cases.

1 thought on “Subject: Safety Tips before Leaving for Summer Vacation (A Sonnet)”

  1. […] Lately, I have found enjoyment in using emails that I receive and subverting them with my absurd addendum (very much in the spirit of the texts found on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. When I first received this email, I was so amused by the genuine advice but odd subject matter — from my Midwestern POV — that I had to toy with the writing. After this experiment, I have remixed several later emails, even turning one into a sonnet. […]


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