Subject: Safety Tips to Guard against the Dust Storm

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IMPORTANT! The Health Clinic advises faculty members to take the following safety precautions against dust storms which can pose health hazards such as sinus allergies, respiratory infections, and dystopic anxiety.

  • Avoid going outside, especially during high winds or when visibility levels are low. If unavoidable, spend as little time outside as possible and avoid outdoor exercise. Keep doors and windows closed. Invest in a VR headset. Explore a particulate-free computer-simulated world until the winds subside or you exhaust all sustenance and water in your apartment.
  • When going out, cover nose and mouth with a mask or damp cloth which will reduce inhalation of dust particles. Also, consider what other Burning Man-esque accoutrement will compliment your mask or damp cloth (e.g., hockey pads, leather harness, feathered headdress, steampunk goggles, etc.)
  • When driving, keep car windows closed. Opt for air-conditioning instead of fresh air. However, when cooking, use butter, not margarine. Opt for saturated fats in moderation instead of trans fats.
  • Avoid rubbing your eyes in order to prevent eye infections, which are common during a dust storm. Wear protective gear such as airtight goggles. If your eyes develop an irritation, rinse with water. Be especially careful if you wear contact lenses. If you must wear contact lenses, then try to procure an antique diving helmet with sufficient viewports so people can see how attractive you are when you don’t wear your ugly prescription glasses.
  • Those prone to bad allergies should start using antihistamines during the season, even before the symptoms start. Keep in mind that one of the side effects of antihistamines is blurred visions. And, you know what is good for “vision problems.” Wink, wink.
  • Individuals who experience mild symptoms such as watering eyes, cough or wheezing should go to the clinic or to their Primary Healthcare Center while those who have severe breathing problem may have a lung infection and should go to the Emergency Department. Those who experience no symptoms need to ponder if they truly are alive. After all, Buddhists believe life is suffering, and symptoms are evidence of suffering. Ergo, if you experience no symptoms, then how can you be alive?

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